CRUSADING AGAINST DATING AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, 32% of students report dating violence by a previous partner, and 21% report violence by a current partner. Of equal concern is that 39%-54% of dating violence victims remain in physically abusive relationships due to fear of the perpetrator, self-blame, loyalty or love for the perpetrator, feelings of isolation or minimization of the crime. In 2010, Clark Atlanta University embarked on an aggressive, campus-wide effort to raise awareness of dating and domestic violence among students, faculty and staff. Since kicking off the inaugural Call to True Beauty dating and domestic violence awareness weeklong event in October 2010, Clark Atlanta University has engaged in several aggressive initiatives to raise awareness of dating and domestic violence and prevent abusive relationships among students. Spearheaded by the Office of the Provost, the university continues to chart progress in its crusade to against dating violence. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and CAU intensified its awareness initiatives in October 2011 to coincide with national activities that mourn those who have died because of domestic violence, celebrate those who have survived, and connect those who work to end violence with those women in abusive relationships. This issue of Pathways takes a look at the critical problem of dating violence as well as a look back at CAU's 2011 dating and domestic violence awareness activities during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2011.

CAU Responds to the Call: The Call to True Beauty

On a warm evening in mid September 2011, CAU Public Safety Detective Sergeant Twyla Locklear is walking like a woman with a purpose as she moves among the 30 or so young women who have gathered in a residence hall meeting room on the campus of Clark Atlanta to learn more from her about dating and domestic violence.

Several of the students share stories -- stories of friends who have been or are in an abusive relationship, and stories of their own experiences with dating violence.

Two weeks later, as Locklear makes a dating violence awareness presentation to students who were interested in being selected into the inaugural Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program, similar and similarly disturbing stories emerge from the young scholars. In some cases, the tears flow freely.

Locklear’s presentations are under the umbrella of an aggressive, university-wide awareness initiative on dating and domestic violence prevention initiated by the Office of the Provost, which is led by Provost Joseph H. Silver Sr., Ph.D.

To underscore just how serious the university is taking the issue of dating and domestic violence, a cross functional committee was developed in 2010 to create and direct several awareness initiatives including Collaborative Interactive Policing, the outreach program from which Locklear’s presentations derived.

The committee, led by the Office of the Provost, includes representatives from the Counseling Center, Collaborative Interactive Policing, Office of Religious Life, Office of Residence Life, Office of Strategic Communications, Student Affairs and the Sustainable Health Education Resources and Outreach (SHERO). The committee’s work is supported by the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Partnership Against Domestic Violence, Avon Products, Inc., Verizon Wireless and the City of Atlanta.

To date, the committee is guiding university efforts that include building a campus climate committed to addressing and eradicating abusive relationships, and early indications that the university is on the right track are evident.

On Friday, October 21, 2011, the Atlanta City Council re-designated Clark Atlanta University as community resource zone in the crusade to end dating and domestic violence. Atlanta City Councilman C. T. Martin made the announcement during a press conference that culminated an intensive week of events at the university in recognition of October as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 

CAU’s re-designation as a community resource was the culmination of a week of events that kicked off on Monday, October 17. CAU and its award-winning radio station, The Jazz of the City-91.9 FM WCLK, launched CAU’s annual campaign against dating and domestic violence, “The Call to True Beauty,” by holding a memorial balloon lift and live radio remote broadcast at Atlanta City Hall to honor victims, celebrate survivors, volunteers and professionals. (See balloon lift event photo below).

CAU’s dating and domestic violence awareness focus began in April 2010 when the Office of the Provost and Academic Affairs, the Office of Strategic Communications and WCLK FM 91.9 partnered to develop a dating violence awareness initiative using some monies from $12,000 in contributions by Avon Products, Inc. ($6,000.00) and Verizon Wireless ($6,000.00). 

The monies funded the new Avon/Verizon Wireless Scholars Program involving 10 students each receiving $1,000.00 in gap scholarship money for participating. Students were selected in a competitive process based on several criteria such as essays, grade point average and a demonstrated commitment to dating and domestic violence awareness.

“Dating violence awareness is a priority outreach effort on our campus,” said Silver, who is also vice president for Academic Affairs. “Although our campus is not overrun with incidences of dating and domestic violence, even one case is too many. We are also very concerned that Georgia now ranks sixth in the nation for violent crimes committed by men against women.”

In October 2010, The Call to True Beauty was launched using a $7,000.00 contribution from Verizon Wireless. The Call to True Beauty is CAU’s annual advocacy, education and prevention campaign against dating and domestic violence. The weeklong series included a press conference, testimonials from domestic abuse survivors, public service announcements, a balloon release, media awareness projects and more.

“The Call to True Beauty allows the university to expand efforts beyond the campus footprint in a meaningful way that includes strategic partnerships with corporations and domestic violence prevention agencies,” said Silver.

   Silver (center) and CAU President Carlton E. Brown (right) chat with a domestic   

    violence prevention advocate at an event during The Call to True Beauty week.

During October 2010, Verizon Wireless provided CAU with $50,000 that was used to establish the Hopeline Domestic Violence Prevention Leadership Academy (led by domestic violence expert Associate Professor Joyce Goosby, Ph.D.) in the Whitney M. Young, Jr. School of Social Work.

“Clark Atlanta University leadership really cares about its students and the issues facing college students,” said Sheryl Sellaway, public relations director for Verizon Wireless. “They have genuinely and assertively embraced interest in the prevention of domestic and dating violence among college age adults. And, they have focused on looking at solutions, long-term strategies and research efforts by partnering with Verizon Wireless to study this social ill. Today, we can look back at two successful Call To True Beauty events—where CAU has lead the way to focus on domestic violence awareness and prevention all week. That’s awesome and we are sincerely grateful to CAU for all its work.”

In April 2011, the Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program was launched using a $20,000 contribution from Avon. Nine students were selected in a competitive process and received an annual $2,000.00 gap scholarship to participate in an intensive training program that began in September. The program is administered under the auspice of The Friends of the Provost for Access and Excellence, which focuses on providing needed financial support to CAU students. Upon completion of the program in April 2012, students will receive designation as Peer Educator in the Community upon completion.

“The Call to True Beauty seeks to lift the veil of shame and create a portal of education, awareness and advocacy,” said Herb Carver, director of customer service for Avon Products Inc. “This effort seeks to help women realized their true, fullest potential and aligns perfectly with Avon Products’ corporate mission.”

Following The Call to True Beauty 2011 events in October, Avon provided a $23,000.00 contribution to CAU that will be used for a new group of Avon scholars who will be selected in January 2012.

The timing of CAU’s focus on dating violence among young adults is in right line with a national push to increase awareness of the signs of abuse and how to get help.

One example of the national effort is The White House’s “1 is 2 Many” awareness and prevention initiative, headed by Vice President Joseph Biden, a long-time domestic violence prevention advocate. It is an aggressive campaign to end violence and abuse against teenage girls and young women ages 16-24.  This age group has the highest rates of abuse, rape and stalking and 50% of women who are killed by their husbands or boyfriends met their abuser when the women were within the 16-24 age group.

Clark Atlanta’s focus on the problem -- though on a smaller scale than the “1 is 2 Many” national initiative -- is equally aggressive. Today, the university community is engaged in a well-coordinated, initiative composed of the annual Call to True Beauty, dating violence awareness programs, corporate partnerships to address the issue, CAU’s Counseling Center and CAU Collaborative Interactive Policing, an outreach effort by CAU Public Safety involving awareness workshops led by Locklear.

“I am more convinced than ever that we have to do this, especially after The Call to True Beauty helped to shine a light on the problem and convinced several of our young women to remove the veil of shame and seek help,” said Donna Brock, director of the Office of Strategic Communications for Clark Atlanta University. Brock (along with the Provost’s Office) has been instrumental in coordinating of The Call to True Beauty program, managing corporate partner relationships and coordinating other campus dating violence awareness initiatives. “People are waking up and I can honestly say I am so proud of the way our many young women as well as many of our male students are stepping up, getting educated about this issue and committing to do their part to end dating violence.”

Since 2010, CAU has formed relationships with two leading area domestic violence prevention organizations: Partnership Against Domestic Violence, Georgia’s largest non-profit domestic violence organization and the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, a statewide network of member agencies. Both organizations actively participate in university events and programs, and serve as resources to the Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program.

“Our goal is to foster a more personal relationship with CAU and its dedicated staff and students, while honoring their efforts in working to end the crime of intimate partner violence,” said Laura Barton, prevention and outreach director for Partnership Against Domestic Violence.

According to Silver, the university’s goals are to create a spectrum of research, instruction, student education, awareness, advocacy and behavioral standards that can be modeled by university campuses across the nation, especially among the nation’s HBCUs.

As Locklear’s evening presentation to the Avon Scholars wraps up, she stays around to speak to two students whose passion about the topics discussed doesn’t end at the conclusion of the seminar.

“While we don’t have a pervasive problem with dating violence on our campus and I have answered very few calls from students needing help, I know that what we are doing with respect to awareness is needed,” said Locklear. “I believe that the university’s commitment to putting forth such an aggressive effort towards awareness of this issue is vital to decreasing dating and domestic violence, and may even lead to preventing dating violence on our campus.”

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         A Conversation with Detective Sergeant Twyla Locklear

Twyla Locklear, a detective sergeant with CAU Public Safety, is part of the department’s Collaborative Interactive Policing program. She has played an active role in the university’s dating and domestic awareness initiative since its inception in 2010. Locklear leads training sessions about the issue with students in university residence halls and has served as one of the instructors for the Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program. 

Pathways: Please describe the outreach efforts that CAU Public Safety has been undertaking to better educate students on dating violence.

Twyla Locklear: The CIP Program (Collaborative Interactive Policing) was instituted by Chief (Thomas) Trawick and consists of CAU Public Safety taking part in panels, forums and boards that cover such topics as “Domestic Violence” and “Dating Violence.”  Additionally, we provide students with resources that will assist them when they have encountered any of these types of unfortunate situations.

Pathways: Could you briefly describe the program?

Locklear: Our [program instructors] main responsibility is to go to each campus residence hall every month to build students’ awareness on dating and domestic violence.  For instance, during the month of September, the focus was to educate as many students as possible on dating violence. The sessions included defining dating abuse, identifying warning signs, characteristics of abusive relationships, behaviors of abusers and how victims can get help.

Pathways: How widespread is dating violence among Clark Atlanta University students?

Locklear: I would not say we have a major problem on campus but we have had cases involving dating violence.

Pathways: Why has CAU Public Safety taken on this particular outreach initiative?

Locklear: In a nutshell, we believe that our participation in the university’s crusade against dating and domestic violence is very important. If we do not educate our students on how to recognize abuse and how to get help, they could be potential victims and/or perpetrators of dating and domestic violence now or in the future. 

Pathways: How are students responding thus far, and what does CAU Public Safety hope to see in terms of impact of the awareness program?

Locklear: Last year, response to this particular outreach effort in the CIP program was slow. However, this year, we have achieved a great turnout in each residence hall. Students are engaged and seeking to learn more about dating and domestic abuse. Of course, Public Safety’s goal is to completely eliminate dating violence on the campus.  When we achieve this, we could also impact our students’ beyond their college career by decreasing incidents of dating and domestic violence.

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Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program

When the call came for students interested to enter an essay competition for selection as ambassadors-in-training to help prevent dating and domestic violence on the CAU campus, many students responded with thought-provoking, insightful and sometimes heart-wrenching perspectives on the topic.

One student, who was selected as a scholar, wrote of her 16-year-old cousin’s close brush with death after a vicious beating from her boyfriend and how the incident spurred her family to join the fight against dating and domestic violence. Another student wrote about how every man and woman deserves a relationship free from violence or even the fear of it from his or her partner. And yet another wrote movingly about witnessing her mother being beaten and “dragged through our home,” by boyfriends over a period of several years.

From the essays, nine students were selected to the 2011 Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program and received $2,000.00 each in gap scholarship money. The program is administered under the auspice of The Friends of the Provost for Access and Excellence Advisory Board, which focuses on providing needed financial support to CAU students. The Friends of the Provost for Access and Excellence was established by Joseph H. Silver Sr., provost and vice president for Academic Affairs at CAU to help identify and provide financial support to students. Today, more than 96 percent of CAU students require significant financial assistance to enroll and remain in school.

The program involves students participating in monthly training and educational program on dating violence and domestic violence prevention.  Professionals provide instruction on topics such as “What is Safe Dating,” “Understanding Domestic Violence,” and “Becoming an Agent of Prevention.”  Students are also required to participate in a community service project.  Upon satisfactory completion of the program, students will serve as peer ambassadors against dating and domestic violence on the CAU campus, throughout the Atlanta University Center and within the greater Atlanta community.

“Before I joined the scholars program, I didn't know a lot about dating and domestic violence,” said Britney Easton, a junior and journalism major at Clark Atlanta. “This program has not only taught me what domestic and dating violence is, but it has also done a great job of teaching me signs of abuse and how to help a victim.  I am now dedicated to helping teach others about this problem.”

The Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program is not available at any other HBCU.

“This program is one of Avon’s most important in terms of its mission to address the issue of dating and domestic violence and empower women,” said Harold Watkins during a recent press conference in which Clark Atlanta University named him “Domestic Violence Prevention Advocate of the Year,” for his outstanding contributions to the fight against dating and domestic violence and his role as the driving force behind development of the Avon Scholars and Ambassadors Program. “I am proud of the students who are participating in the program because I believe that as long as we are in this world, we should do something to give back to others and help to change a life.”

Watkins also serves as chairman of The Friends of the Provost for Access and Excellence Advisory Board.

In addition to submission of an essay, other eligibility requirements for scholars include a cumulative GPA of 3.0 out of 4.0, completion of an interview by a special panel and meet the age requirement of being between 16 and 24 years old, the ages at which most young women meet their abusers.

The inaugural scholars participating in the program are Teah Blanks, Britney Easton, LaSalla Hall, Ebonie Harris, Elmer Jones, Tracey Joseph, Chanel Taylor, Janelle Vallair, and Jasmine White.

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 Historical Roots of Domestic Violence: Pathway to Prevention

By Joyce M. Goosby, Ph.D., LCSW, Associate Professor

Whitney M. Young, Jr., School of Social Work

When one examines the historical roots of domestic violence, we closely examine several common questions: Where does domestic violence comes from? How and when did it begin? What factors contribute to its root causes?  What strategies are available to help us understand this phenomenon more fully so we can work more effectively to end it?

Unfortunately, abuse of intimate partners has been a part of many cultures for many generations.

For example, literature shows that British common law once allowed a man to "chastise" his wife with "any reasonable instrument.” Early American settlers based their laws on old English common-law that explicitly permitted wife-beating for correctional purposes, which was to allow the husband to whip his wife only with a switch no bigger than his thumb.

While a wide range of factors has been studied to find the root causes of domestic violence (i.e., anger, substance abuse, mental illness, poverty, entitlement, etc.), none have been found to directly cause domestic violence.  The roots of domestic violence can be attributed to a variety of social, economic, psychological and cultural factors. Historically, with the battered women’s movement in the 1970s, inequality of women and gender socialization of females and males were major factors identified and believed to contribute to the root causes of domestic violence.

Beginning with the 1970s, women who were raped or suffered violence in their homes had no formal place to go for help or support. There were no shelters and little, if any, response from law enforcement, hospitals, social service agencies or the courts.

This “private matter” was exposed through the work of Dr. Lenore E. Walker, who was the first pioneer to formally study “the battered woman syndrome” in 1975. No one was doing similar research. We learned from her research of more than 200 case studies that battered women often remain in relationships because of learned helplessness.  Dr. Walker maintained that women undergo a process of victimization, acquiring a learned helplessness which leaves them prey to abuse, unable to fault their abusers and unwilling to leave them.

Simply stated, “Better a batterer than no man at all.” 

As a learned behavior, individuals, families, organizations and communities have modeled this violent behavior.

For historical and educational purposes, it’s significant to understand the roots of domestic violence. However, it is even more important that today’s generations and future generations enhance their focus on awareness and prevention with education and training beginning in early and middle school.

I believe that over the past 20 years, much progress has been made in the field of domestic violence by advocates and heroic pioneers. However, we must remain vigilant in the quest to end domestic violence by continuing to invest human and financial resources into Public Awareness Campaigns such as CAU’s Call to True Beauty Campaign and the Avon Scholars, both of which have been a huge success.  Furthermore, there is a need for continued collaboration with community service providers, business, and faith communities as well as student, faculty, staff, and administrative engagement to eradicate this widespread social problem.

As we continue to engage our students and mentees such as the Avon Scholars in civic endeavors, we move forward toward helping CAU to meet one of its strategic goals by making a positive impact globally on complex societal problems.

Goosby specializes in domestic abuse and intimate partner violence. She has conducted extensive research in domestic abuse, dating violence and intimate partner violence and developed several programs to address those issues. She established a Domestic Violence Resource Center at North Carolina A & T and has developed or participated in several dating and domestic violence awareness initiatives at Clark Atlanta University. Goosby also continues to be a highly-sought speaker on domestic violence.

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Recognizing Signs of Trouble in Your Relationship

Michelle is a 19-year-old sophomore at a well-known college. She is a bright, attractive, smart and popular young woman with a boyfriend who is an honor student. Michelle’s friends tell her how lucky she is to have someone like Kevin, particularly since the male to female ration on campus is not favorable for women. When she tells her friends that Kevin gets angry when she spends time with them, texts her constantly and demands to know where she is and where she is going “at all times,” they tell Michelle that this is just the way he shows her that she’s “his.” They tell her that he wants her with him all the time because he loves her. Michelle does relax a bit but something just doesn’t feel right. 

Would you recognize dating violence if you saw it happening to someone else or if you were experiencing it?

“Teenagers and young adults have less experience with relationships and therefore, have less knowledge to draw from and judge what constitutes a healthy relationship from one that is unhealthy,” said Nicole Lesser, executive director of Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “What we want young people to know is that the warning signs or red flags for young adults and teens are very similar to those for domestic violence.”

Dating violence is what happens in a dating relationship when one person uses physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse to gain power and maintain control over the other person. Nearly one in three college students report dating abuse by a previous partner, and 21% report violence by a current partner.

Dating abuse can take many forms including threats, constant text messaging, insults, isolation from friends and family, name calling, and controlling a partner’s behavior or appearance. The highest risk of dating violence occurs between the ages of 16-24 years of age.  This is also the age group in which 50 percent of women who are killed as a result of domestic violence meet their abuser.

Although not all of the following patterns will be or must be present for a relationship to be abusive, the following problematic actions, individually or combined, should be considered warnings signs:

Does your partner exhibit any of the following behaviors?

• Belittles you to or in front of other people
• Puts down your goals, aspirations or accomplishments
• Uses force or threats to make you do what he or she wants you to do
• Shoves, push, grab or hit you
• Tell you that no one else wants you and that you are nothing with him or her
• Forces you to have sex
• Withholds affection
• Calls you names
• Gets angry when you want to spend time with other people
• Tries to control you financially or sexually

Joyce Goosby, Ph.D., an associate professor in CAU’s Whitney M Young, Jr. School of Social Work and an expert in domestic violence states that that one of the most eye-opening aspects for college-age students is learning what constitutes unhealthy or abusive relationships -- even when they experience it as a victim or as someone who is exhibiting abusive behavior.

In her role as a sociology professor and in leading the Verizon Wireless Hopeline Domestic Violence Leadership Academy in the School of Social Work, Goosby is working closely with students to foster greater awareness of abusive behaviors through projects such as the students developing brochures and involvement in television programming on the topic through CAU TV.

“The next critical area that I would like to see the university work on is training faculty in how to spot the signs of dating violence,” said Goosby. “There is not a pervasive problem of dating or domestic violence at the university but faculty members are often first responders in this area because of the frequency of their interaction with students and the relationships that often develop between faculty and students.”

Goosby went on to add that dating abuse and dating violence are hurtful and can even result in injury or death. Like Michelle and Kevin -- two accomplished college students – dating violence and domestic violence occur regardless of the race, religion, sexual orientation, level of education or economic background of the parties involved.

Also, like Michelle, people in abusive relationships may feel that something is wrong and in those cases, experts like Lesser encourage those people listen to their instincts. 

“Trust your gut because your instincts are warning you that something is wrong,” said Lesser.  “Yes, your partner may be popular on campus, may be smart, may be accomplished and you could even feel like you care about this person but if the relationship just doesn’t feel right, get help.”

Lesser also has advice for family and friends who may suspect someone is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

“The most important thing that people who suspect someone is being abused can do is to keep the door open and let them know that they are not alone, that the abuse is not their fault and most importantly, help is available. We all need to stand up and help to break the cycle.”

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Is it Someone You Know?

Dating violence victims come in all races, ethnic backgrounds and ages. They are college students, college graduates and professionals. They are daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces and friends. So, often, dating violence and domestic violence victims are people that are part of our lives, people that we care about or people that we know.

The physical evidence of abuse may not always be apparent to family and friends of victims but being more knowledgeable about some of the signs that someone is in an abusive relationship can make a difference in the victim getting help.

Do you know a woman or a man who is dating someone who:

• Insults or demeans people regularly?
• Makes vulgar comments about their girlfriend or boyfriend?
• Displays anger or volatile behavior?
• Acts jealous of their partner’s relationships with family, friends and co-workers?
• Has an explosive temper?
• Tries to control his girlfriend or her boyfriend?
• Obsessively calls, texts or e-mails?
• Pushes, shoves or pinches them?
• Demands to know their whereabouts?
• Demands or forces him or her to have sex?
• Lies and/or manipulates people or situations to get their way?
• Regularly accuses their girlfriend or boyfriend of cheating?

These are a few of the warning signs that someone you know may be in an abusive relationship and if you recognize the signs, you should approach that individual with understanding and a compassionate offer to get them help. Let him or her know that they are not alone and that help is available.

“If you know someone who is being abused or you suspect that someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, tell him or her you are concerned and offer unconditional friendship and non-judgmental support,” said Laura Barton, prevention and outreach director for Partnership Against Domestic Violence. “Tell that person that the abuse is not their fault and help him or her to identify red flags/unhealthy patterns. Urge them to seek help through an adult, teacher, counselor, domestic violence agency or national dating abuse hotline.”

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It Can Happen to Your Child 

What Every Parent Should Know about Dating Violence

Fonda Kay Smith is a successful radio journalist and producer whose voice delivers the morning and afternoon traffic advisory to listeners from WCLK FM’s studio.  She is the picture of poise, confidence and strength.  So, when she went public with her story of domestic abuse during a press conference for CAU’s domestic violence initiative in October 2010, her peers, business associates and colleagues were shocked. Many were surprised to learn that underneath her calm, graceful exterior, Smith is a survivor of a long history of domestic abuse.

However, Smith recently disclosed that unbeknownst to her, at the same time that she decided to go public with her story, her daughter was suffering abuse at the hands of her boyfriend. Once she learned that her daughter was being abused, Smith sprang into action and her support helped the young woman to break free of her abuser. Today, both women are domestic violence survivors.

When parents send their children off to college, they have likely warned them to stay away from the trappings that threaten to thwart their success and those activities that would jeopardize their safety and well being.

Most new college students are warned about the dangers of drinking and drugs, staying out too late, hanging with the wrong crowd and not putting in enough study time. However, there is another danger that may await young adults (particularly females) once they arrive on the college campus – one that 81% of parents either don’t believe that is an issue or admit they don’t know much about: dating violence among young people.

However, the problem is real and the little-discussed issue is a serious problem affecting teens and young adults around the nation. One other important fact for parents to consider is that more than 50 percent of women who are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends meet their abuser when the victim was between the ages of 16 and 24.

There are many reasons why young people don’t tell parents and family members about abuse they are experiencing in a relationship. Many believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important events in their lives. Many blame themselves for the abuse or feel ashamed, while others fear their parents’ and family members’ will fault them. However, Smith’s case is evidence that when parents and families recognize the signs of abuse and leave the door open for communication, the chances that an abuse victim will confide in them are much greater.

Many parents don’t believe that their children can be part of a relationship in which abuse is taking place but according to the Partnership Against Domestic Violence (PADV), one-third of teen girls surveyed stated that they know someone who has been physically abused by someone they dated.

“Parents can have a crucial role in educating teens by modeling healthy relationships for their children,” said Laura Barton, prevention and outreach director for the Partnership Against Domestic Violence. “Practicing effective communication, showing the importance of boundaries in a relationship, giving and receiving respect from each other, being equals and sharing power in the relationship, and nurturing each other’s self-esteem. Additionally, parents can make the most of ‘teachable moments’ when unhealthy relationships show up in the media.”

The following signs are part of being a teenager but when these changes happen suddenly or without any explanation, there might be cause for concern.

Here are some signs that can signal a teen or young adult is in an abusive relationship:

• Sudden changes in clothes or make-up
• Bruises, scratches or other injuries
• Failing grades, skipping class or dropping out of school activities
• Avoiding friends
• Difficulty making decisions or always relying on the decisions of others
• Sudden changes in mood or personality; becoming anxious or depressed, acting out or being secretive
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits, avoiding eye contact
• Constantly thinking or worrying about their dating partner
• Using alcohol or drugs
• Emotional outbursts and "crying fits"

Source: www.padv.org

“I would caution every parent of a teen or young adult to listen to what their children say, watch what they do and most importantly, talk to them and let them know that they can talk to you,” said Smith. “I was fortunate that my daughter confided in me and her trust gave me the opportunity to give her the support she needed to escape from a destructive relationship.”

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Social Networking No-Nos

“How many of you have a Facebook account?” asked Detective Sergeant Twyla Locklear at a recent workshop she was leading on dating violence for students in the CAU Suites. As she scanned the group of young women gathered in one of the CAU Suite’s meeting rooms, she noted that nearly every hand of the roughly 30 women was raised.

There is no denying that social media has changed the way people communicate and do business. Whether it’s Facebook, LinkedIn, blogging or Twitter, social media has fast become a mainstream mode communication for businesses and individuals. Facebook, in particular, is now a primary tool for expression, conversation, meeting people, and keeping in touch with family and friends.

According to Corbett3000’s 2010 Facebook Demographics and Statistics Report (posted on www.strategylabs.com), there were 26,075,960 Facebook users within the 18-24 age group in 2010. Of that number, more than  and . This is also the age group in which most women who are killed by abusive partners begin relationships with abusive men. Given these facts, many experts are now cautioning young adults who are involved in abusive relationships to be discerning about the personal information that they share via social media communication.

“We have been conducting workshops on dating violence with our students in their residence halls as part of the university’s focus on addressing this issue and one element of our presentation is to drive home the point to students that giving too much information on social media sites can jeopardize their safety,” said Locklear, who is with CAU Public Safety. “Often, abusers are using information such as a person’s whereabouts and travel plans to stalk or in some cases, to locate a target and inflict bodily injury or worse. This why most domestic violence organizations are telling women to limit posting on social media sites the kind of information that can be used by an abuser or a stalker.” 

Dating and domestic violence are issuing the following warnings to women regarding use of social media:

• Do not share personal conversations
• Do not post social plans
• Do not post your address and phone number
• Do not send “SEXTING” messages

Locklear’s presentation to students also includes cautionary information to safeguard passwords and clear your history in browser settings. Finally, experts advise that if an abuser sends threatening or harassing e-mail/text messages/tweets, etc, they may be printed and saved as evidence of abuse. Additionally, the messages may constitute a federal offense.

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Resources

If you need help or know someone who does, these organizations exist to be a resource for dating and domestic violence victims:

http://www.ncvc.org

http://gcadv.org

http://padv.org

http://www.loveisrespect.org